bunnicula

The Wish or The Romance Heroine

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 04:50:00 GMT

The Wish or The Romance Heroine

by Susan Umpleby

Monica leaned forward to peer eagerly at the newest romance novels on the display rack. The vivid covers featuring muscular heroes embracing beautiful, scantily clad women made her heart race in anticipation. Placing one copy of each new title into a hand basket, Monica wondered what life would be like if she were a romance heroine. While paying for the books she thought it would be exciting if she could suddenly plunge into the pages of one of her favorite novels. As she left the bookstore, Monica whispered, "I wish I could be a romance heroine" and laughed at her own foolishness.

The man walking towards her on the sidewalk could have stepped off the cover of any romance novel. A tailored shirt emphasized his wide shoulders. Jeans molded themselves to his muscular thighs and hugged his lean waist. His ruggedly handsome face and deep blue eyes made her tingle with awareness as warmth seemed to flood her body. She felt suddenly breathless. How amazing to be reacting to a complete stranger like this.

"I wish you'd stop doing that," the man said peevishly as he stopped in front of her. She gaped at him in amazement. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Narrowing his eyes, he said, "Your thighs. They were taunting me." His gaze wandered over her body. Monica flushed, growing annoyed. This couldn't be happening. As she stepped hurriedly back, though, she felt her thighs thrusting arrogantly against the narrow skirt she wore.

"I don't even know who you are," she squeaked as the stranger leaned closer. "Max Osborne," he murmured absently, looking with appreciation at her chest. "God, it's distracting when you do things like that."

Monica looked down, appalled to see that her breasts were swelling, jutting proudly toward him, and she prayed the buttons on her blouse would hold. What was happening to her? Feeling the heat radiating between them, she wondered if she was becoming ill. Max's eyes fixed intently on her lips as she bit them and Monica felt them grow fuller under his gaze. As he dipped his head she felt her lips open helplessly under his kiss. His hand cupped her breast, bringing Monica to her senses and she pulled away from him. How could she behave this way in the middle of the sidewalk with a man she'd just met? As she walked away from Max she felt her bottom surge roundly inside her skirt and knew his eyes were following her. Her mind racing with confusion, Monica suddenly remembered the wish she’d made as she left the bookstore. "Oh, Lord," she groaned. "I've become a romance heroine!"

She staggered as she walked, desperately trying to control legs that willfully thrust forward. Monica found it difficult to keep her balance. Her tumescent buttocks caused her back to arch uncomfortably, while her engorged breasts heavily pulled her shoulders forward. She felt like a travesty of a woman, and she marveled that she had ever thought that being a romance heroine could be fun. Thank God she had stopped him before he ruined her best silk blouse by sucking on it! Reaching the bookstore, she lunged through the door. Lurching up to the counter, Monica laid down her shopping bag and made her request. The clerk looked confused. Monica mumbled again, struggling to control passion-swollen lips: "I want to exchange these for some mysteries, please."

Well, spit!

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 22:26:48 GMT

Got a notice in the mail, complete with pictures. It seems that, while making a left turn, I entered the intersection too late in the yellow. They snapped a picture of me only a quarter into my turn with the light turning red. :c(

What I get for being in a hurry that evening, I guess. But it is a pain in the butt! This is only the second ticket I've ever gotten--and the first one was almost 30 years ago. SPIT!!!! And the really bad news is that, as of last September, you can no longer opt to just go to traffic school. Which means that I will be paying a whopping $361 fine.

Oh, yeah, and if I don't want this going on my record & screwing up my insurance, I have also will have to pay an additional $29 for traffic school. #$@%$#@!

Oh well. Life is hard, and then you die.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 08:53:49 GMT

Went out this evening after work and bought two new DVD releases:

Daddy Long Legs (1955) with Fred Astaire - one of my favorite Astaire films, also starring Leslie Caron. Great musical, with wonderful songs & dance numbers based on the book by Jean Webster. I've had a Japanese release of this film for about 4 years now, but have been looking forward to an American release with extra goodies. This edition has audio commentary, newsreel footage from the Hollywood, New York & London premieres, still photo gallery, the original theatrical trailers, and a small lobby card reproduction.

I will wait until just the right moment to watch it, and savor having it 'til then. :)

Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1964), Season One, Volume One As I post here, I am also playing online poker and watching this TV show. Have it running on my laptop while I play and post on my desktop. I used to love this show when I was a kid, so I decided to buy it. I was annoyed when I got home & discovered that it isn't the entire first season. Just half of it, so I'll have to wait for the second volume. I hate when they do that! On the other hand, I'm having a lot of fun watching it. Cheesy giant squid in the first episode. I see that on the last disc they have an un-aired pilot.

This movie-holic is in heaven...

The fox guarding the hen house?

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 06:02:50 GMT

I am finding it difficult to believe what I am hearing on the news!

It seems very strange. On the one hand our government goes to war against a country that had nothing to do with 9-11 & run by a man who hated bin Laden (yes, yes, Hussein is a Bad Man who treated his people incredibly badly; the fact remains he had nothing to do with 9-11). But on the other, want to give the glad hand to the idea of a company owned by the government of the U.A.E. government (a known supporter of terrorists behind 9-11) to run several of our major ports! Talk about setting the fox to watch the hen house...

Big money is being exchanged behind the scenes somewhere or Bush is listening once again to bad advice. Actually, I'd bet both are true.

Bigotry and racism have nothing to do with my opinion. I'd say the same of any country that had attacked us.

Truthfully, I'm not thrilled with any non-American company being charge of such an important part of our infrastructure. And this is not just any company is it?

I don't know...doesn't it seem like our country is slowly being dismantled in the name of profit? The neocons seems to believe that, as long as big business makes a big profit it is absolutley OK to destroy our environment, outsource any jobs outside of fast food and other minimum wage areas, and now hand over important infrastructures to foreign nationals (and ones that support terrorists, to boot)...

Sony's great new E-Ink reader for e-books!!

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 08:20:19 GMT

For the past few years I have been growing more and more interested in e-books. Especially since the number of e-books has grown larger and larger. Old classics as well as new novels of all genres, non-fiction, and original e-books abound--as do Internet sites that offer them.

The only reason that I haven't yet downloaded any of them is the fact that I have not fancied any of the hardware available to read them on. Sitting at the computer to read a book doesn't appeal to me, nor does balancing a laptop. PDA's are handy, but the screen are dinky.

But now it seems that the E-Ink technology has finally gotten to the point that a reader has been created that is as comfortable to read as a book. I have been reading about it on various sites, but here is a link to a great article on PCWorld.com: http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,124126,00.asp.

It looks like Sony will have an American version of their reader on the market in April or May of this year! It's about the size of a paperback book, but thinner. The E-Ink technology is easy on the eyes, can be read in bright outdoor light as well as in darkness, and the reader has a long battery life. The price is supposed to be about $300 or $400.

I am looking forward to getting my hands on one of these readers. Not only will I be able to comfortably access e-books, but it will save me stuffing fat paperback books in by fanny pack when I go out. An added plus--I will be able to have a number of books stored on it so I can read what I'm in the mood for at a given time.

Bliss!

Poker, Poker, Poker

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 19:46:32 GMT

Got home yesterday about 4:30 after teaching the eBay class at the branch and sat down at the computer to play a game of poker. OK, I played a lot of poker.

Not to worry, poker isn't the only thing I did. While playing I also managed to update my other blog, http://sumpleby.blogspot.com/, discussing the pornographic nature of many romance novels. Also included a micro short story I wrote a while back.

I continued the spirit of multi-tasking by watching three movies I'd rented, finishing the third season of Have Gun Will Travel, and starting volume 22 of Dark Shadows.

It's amazing how time flies when you are having fun. When I finally looked at the clock, I discovered that it was five in the morning. :cD I toddled off to bed then.

Woke up this morning at 11:00. Don't have to be at work until 12:45, so I'm back playing poker and watching more Dark Shadows. My lunch just pinged, so gotta run.

No sooner said than done!

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 03:31:35 GMT

After posting earlier about wanting to come in first at one of the sit and go tourneys...I did! Of course, it was only a five dollar table so I only made $25.00 (second place got $15 and third place got $10), but still...

My very first "first place" finish!! :c)

Blinds and books

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 02:14:51 GMT

The past few evening have been spent primarily playing poker, with side forays into posting on my book blog on Google (http://sumpleby.blogspot.com/).

Although I usually play on HoldemPoker.com, last weekend I decided to give PokerStars.com a try. It's software isn't quite as good as HoldemPoker's but it seems like there are fewer bad beats. Since I was trying new things, I also ventured into single and double table Sit And Go tournaments. Love 'em!! They only play out the top three spots, but in playing them every night this week I have been making second and third spot most of the time. I am determined to finish first at least once!

I have also been making at least one post in my book blog every night. Basically I've decided to write about books (old and new) that I have either liked a great deal--or hated. All genres of fiction and non-fiction as well. The blog is new, just started at the beginning of the week, so not a lot on it as yet. What the heck, I'm enjoying it.

My new book blog

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 04:59:34 GMT

I have created a new blog on the Google site! It will be about books and is called Dusty Tomes. http://sumpleby.blogspot.com/

A voice of reason

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 23:46:37 GMT

I stumbled across a great blog today: http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/

The writer is saying what I have noted to others for the past few years about Bush and his followers: they are a cult of personality rather than of political ideology that turn viciously on any--Republicans included--who do not totally embrace every single thing Bush does.

Frankly, I don't understand why Republicans don't stand up and take back control of their party before Bush & Co. totally destroy it.

Kicking back!

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 03:44:47 GMT

One of my laziest weekends ever! Never even got dressed, much less left the house. :cD

In between watching the Olympics on TV and playing on-line poker--in fact I'm doing both those things while posting this--I read a couple of books (one mystery and one romance), and watched a couple of programs I Tivoed.

The one thing I haven't done, which I swore I'd do, is write. Later tonight and tomorrow I'll have to get on that so I'll have something to take to the writer's group on Tuesday...

Captain Underpants or library adventures

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 06:01:16 GMT

Who says librarians don't know how to have fun?!? We had our first Captain Underpants program today, so tonight I am writing using my new pseudonym, Snotty Chickenbrains...

About a hundred kids showed up for the fun, which we kicked off by giving everyone their Captain Underpants name (you can find C.U. name generators all over the place). With names like Poopsie Bubblebutt and Chim-chim Cootiejuice flying about there was general hilarity. Every kid was given a pair of tighty whities (Sears donated 130 pairs!) to decorate with fabric markers and also made special underwear hats out of construction paper.

Then we divided the kids into teams for a game involving three toilets I got Public Works to donate--untouched by any hineys, I hasten to add!-- where each group competed to throw "flaming" toilet paper tubes (the flames were made of tissue paper)into the toilets, which we'd decorated with sharp teeth and beady eyes. :)

Afterward there was a contest as to which kid could "sling-shot" their tighty-whities the farthest, followed by a relay race in which the kids had to put on a pair of underwear over their clothes and don a mask & cape, then take them all off and pass the them to the next kid in their group. The group which had to most kids "dressed" and "undressed" in the allotted time won.

We finished it all off with scrumptious refreshments: Day-old Bathwater Punch, Toxic Slime Cupcakes, Nasty Nostril Nuggets and Booger Yogurt. Once they were sated, the kids were sent home with special Captain Underwear paper airplanes to make, and several fun sheets.

And so now we can rest from our labors--until next month when we have our very first "Series of Unfortunate Events" program...

Forever and a day

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 06:19:40 GMT

It's been forever and a day since I last updated. It's not as if my live is so hectic that I don't have time. Nor am I infirm. The plain fact of the matter is that I am just plain lazy and a firm subscriber to the creed "always put off until tomorrow what you could do today." And as we all know, tomorrow never comes.

And then along came Joe. Joe has nagged at me twice this week to get off my butt and post. So here I am. Posting. The thing is, though, I can't really think of anything to post about. And when I think about it, shouldn't Joe, who nudged me into posting, at the very least provide a topic? But no, he simply says "write." The pressure, the pressure!

So, Joe, for you I am posting about the fact that I am posting. At last. Unfortunately, this post must end quickly, as Gypsy Rose Lee is threatening to throw up on the living room rug...

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 00:22:32 GMT

I just got back. Joe said his good-byes to Chandra this afternoon & gave her a last goodie--a Strawberry Nutrigrain bar, which she made sure to get every crumb of. Then he helped me take the back seats of the Cruiser. Spread a blanket in back for her. It took both of us to get Chandra out to the car from the house, one to lead her & the other to hold up her back end.

And she got so excited--Chandra just loved riding in the car. The appointment at the vet wasn't until 3:15, but I left early so I could giver her one last ride. Drove several miles, all around town, and I do think Chandra enjoyed herself. She kept trying to stand up and look out the window, but finally just sat and watched the world go by. Every once in a while she'd see something that excited her and make little sounds in her throat. When she'd get tired of sitting up, she'd lay down with her head between the front seats so I could pet her.

When I finally pulled into the vet's lot, I parked under a tree and opened up the back of the Cruiser. Climbed in and sat with Chandra for 10 or 15 minutes. Loved her up and said my goodbyes. Then I took her inside. I had to use two leashes--looped one under her stomach so I could hold her up. I sat on the floor and held her as they gave her the shot. Just a couple of seconds and no pain, and she was gone.

I didn't think I could hurt any more than I was. Then I got home, and the other dogs needed to be fed, and I found myself automatically starting to fill Chandra's bowl, too. It hit me all over again. And then again when I gave the bowls to Elsie Crumpet & Merlin. I've always handed out their food in a particular order: first Elsie Crumpet, then Chandra's bowl on her chair and then Merlin. I guess I was still on autopilot--after I gave Elsie her food, I turned and put Merlin's dish on Chandra's chair and he just stood there looking at me until I put his bowl in his spot.

My teeth hurt and I just discovered I've been clenching my jaw. It hurts so much to lose a pet like this. They live such short lives but while they're here they give you their all. Become part of your family. Chandra was one of the most loving dogs I've ever had. Gentle despite her size--well, when she wasn't stepping on you by accident--but protective as well. When the doorbell rang at night, it was always Chandra I took with me when I opened the door. One look at her & folks minded the manners. She liked to sleep on the foot of my bed before it got too hard for her to climb up, which could be painful if she started running in her sleep! And Chandra was known for her careful kisses; she would put her nose in your face and inspect it thoroughly before sticking her tongue out the tiniest bit and licking your nose or chin. I took her to work with me several times over the years to help out with preschool story time--she looked a great deal like Stephen Kellogg's character, Pinkerton, and I would do a dog-themed story time and bring Chandra in for the kids to play with. She would gently lay down and let the preschoolers pet her and climb on her. They loved it.

'Bye, Chandra. Miss you.

Chandra

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 15:24:32 GMT

I've had to make a very hard decision today. Chandra, my Great Dane, will be put to sleep this afternoon at 3:15. She's 9 years old now and has been on medication for arthritis for a year. This morning her hind end keeps collapsing and she needs help to get up. She ate her breakfast OK, but it's obvious that the time has come.

It tears me up every time this happens. Dogs live such short lives. But they give such joy, too. I remember when I brought Chandra home. She was seven months old and I got her from Great Dane Rescue--she'd been dumped because she is almost completely deaf. She was such a skinny thing! All feet and elbows & tail. She never did grow out of being something of a moose.

Chandra has always thought of herself as a lapdog, despite her size. Gets as much of herself up into your lap as she can manage & wants to be cuddled.

Damn. Keep crying. Gotta go.

Reality Check Needed by the Right

Sat, 29 May 2004 17:14:57 GMT

While I was out driving this week, I tuned into one of the conservative talk radio stations, as I do periodically to see what they are discussing. I found myself listening to them rant about the new movie The Day After Tomorrow.

It was hysterical. They were responding as if this movie was a documentary! They were saying things like "the movie doesn't tell you that undersea volcanoes are responsible for..." and "industry doesn't cause..." And they even brought on an expert to refute the science in the movie!!!! They kept going on & on & on about liberals and their evil agenda.

ROFLMAO!!!!!

I kept waiting for one of their callers to say HELLO! Reality check, please! It's a MOVIE, guys. It's NOT REAL.

Silly me--I should have known that most of their listeners take what is said on these talk radio stations as gospel. Every single person who phoned in joined the rant!

The scary thing is that it is folks like this that hold the majority in our government currently.

Andy Rooney, when you're right, you're right

Mon, 24 May 2004 17:42:59 GMT

Normally I can't stand him. Andy Rooney, I mean. His ramblings about nothing. Once or twice since 60 Minutes began he has amused me slightly, but that's about it.

But last night he surprised me. Last night he said something serious, that I agreed with. Who ever thought I'd agree with Andy Rooney?

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/05/20/60minutes/rooney/main618783.shtml

Our Darkest Days Are Here

May 23, 2004
Rooney On POW Abuse

(CBS) If you were going to make a list of the great times in American history, you'd start with the day in 1492, when Columbus got here.

The Revolution when we won our independence would be on the list.

Beating Hitler.

Putting Americans on the moon.

We've had a lot of great days.

Our darkest days up until now have been things like presidential assassinations, the stock market crash in 1929, Pearl Harbor, and 9-11, of course.

The day the world learned that American soldiers had tortured Iraqi prisoners belongs high on the list of worst things that ever happened to our country. It's a black mark that will be in the history books in a hundred languages for as long as there are history books. I hate to think of it.

The image of one bad young woman with a naked man on a leash did more to damage America's reputation than all the good things we've done over the years ever helped our reputation.

What were the secrets they were trying to get from captured Iraqis? What important information did that poor devil on the leash have that he wouldn't have given to anyone in exchange for a crust of bread or a sip of water?

Where were your officers? If someone told you to do it, tell us who told you. If your officers were told – we should know who told them.

One general said our guards were "untrained." Well, untrained at what? Being human beings? Did the man who chopped off Nicholas Berg's head do it because he was untrained?

The guards who tortured prisoners are faced with a year in prison. Well, great. A year for destroying our reputation as decent people.

I don't want them in prison, anyway. We shouldn't have to feed them. Take away their right to call themselves American - that's what I’d do. You aren't one of us. Get out. We don't want you. Find yourself another country or a desert island somewhere. If the order came from someone higher up, take him with you.

In the history of the world, several great civilizations that seemed immortal have deteriorated and died. I don't want to seem dramatic tonight, but I've lived a long while, and for the first time in my life, I have this faint, faraway fear that it could happen to us here in America as it happened to the Greek and Roman civilizations.

Too many Americans don't understand what we have here, or how to keep it. I worry for my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren. I want them to have what I've had, and I sense it slipping away.

Have a nice day.

Her first husband beat her, so it'sOK

Thu, 13 May 2004 22:44:11 GMT

Driving home for lunch today, I tuned in to hear what was going on on the conservative talk radio channels. And of course the Iraqi abuse scandal was the topic of debate. The commentator & his phone-in public were going on and on and on about how badly Saddam had treated his people, and the videos & pictures of that that are available. They were saying (as I've heard other people say) that what our people had done was nothing compared to that and so shouldn't really be considered as abuse or made that much of.

As I ate my lunch, it occured to me that this POV is analogous to a man saying, when criticized for slapping his wife: "Well, her first husband beat the crap out of her, and I only slap her around once in a while, so it's OK!"

What people like this don't seem to get is that someone else doing something wrong doesn't make it OK for us to do something wrong just as long as it's on a lesser scale. Our country is on a slippery slope. We're losing what moral highground we had in this arena. Though considering we entered this war on a lie, we didn't have much of a one at that.

Waxing Gibbous, 84.2% of Full

Sat, 01 May 2004 07:48:15 GMT

The moon is almost full, which may explain the bids I got today. 4 out of the 5 auctions I had closing tonight went for way more than they should have. Every so often this happens, where a group of my auctions skyrocket for no apparent reason. So perhaps it is just the full moon.

It's nice, of course, but you keep expecting the buyer to come to their senses, :cD , and until the money is in my hot little hand & the package mailed off, it doesn't seem quite real. I also wonder if they really have read the description--one book that I described as having a LOT of underlining and margin notes went for over $40. Granted, it was on freesmasonry & you expect those to do well, but still... It will be interesting seeing this person's reaction when the book is sent to them.

I'M LIVING IN A FELLINI FILM!!!!

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 04:57:55 GMT

Oh, brother. So, I activated the new card when I got it on Thursday. Later I tried my online banking again, but it still wouldn't work and when I called them BoA said "it may take as long as 24 hours after the activation of the new card."

OK, so I tried again last night (Friday)--but it still wouldn't work. And when I called BoA the woman who answered said "oh no, it could take as long as 48 hours after the activation of the new card for online banking to work again." Really? That's not what they said yesterday but, OK, I'll wait.

I tried it again today--still no access to my online banking, so I called BoA again. The woman who answers this time transfers me to another woman. This woman asks me what my log-in ID is and I tell her. She says "no it's not." Yes, it is, I say, and repeat it. She says no, my log-on ID is my social security number. I tell her that my SSN has never been my log-on ID and that I have been using the same ID I started using online banking. She says my log-on ID has never been what I said it was (!) but that she can change it to be that if I want...

Whatever. I just want to get into my online banking at this point, so I said sure. Now, I've been online while I've been talking to her, on the Bank of America site, and I try to log in again. It still won't let me. THEN she says "oh, the ID you're trying to use is too short, it needs to be at least 2 characters longer."

How can that be? My ID is 8 characters long & the screen in front of me is stating the ID should be between 6 and 20 characters. "No," she said it's between 10 & 20." I tell her the screen right in front of me says between 6 & 20, but she insists that's not right and that I absolutely have to add 2 characters to my ID.

Oh, all right!!!! So I added another two characters. Voila. At last I'm able to get access. Then I have to go to work. I got home this evening, signed in, and clicked the Bill Pay tab...and nothing was there. A notice on the page invited me to sign up for online bill paying "for free." How generous of them.

$%#@!&^%#%$!!! Just got off the phone with BoA again. It seems the nimrod who "helped" me earlier today managed to turn off the bill paying segment on the account. The man I just spoke to said he can "see" the information but that it will take two business days to get it reactivated.

So now I wait for Tuesday, in the hopeful knowledge that this whole episode will be over then. Or will it...

Gratification

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 23:48:09 GMT

Well, it seems I was wrong. I didn't think what I said to the Bank of America supervisor yesterday would do a lick of good and resigned myself to not getting my ATM card until tomorrow.

Lo and behold, it arrived today. But even that couldn't go smoothly. They tried to deliver it at work this morning before we were open, but not expecting delivery today I wasn't on the lookout for them. When I checked with Airborne express at noon, I learned about the failed delivery attempt. I called them up to get it re-delivered, and the guy told me that it would have to be brought tomorrow morning. Joy. But then I guess he thought the matter through again, because when I got back to work, the envelope was waiting in my inbox for me. Hallelujah!!!!! Of course, there is still the matter that they left it without me signing for it, but to hell with that.

I activated the card, but now they tell me that it will be 24 hours before my online banking will be available again. Well, spit.

Futile, but satisfying anyway....

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 06:40:45 GMT

Fired off an email this evening to Bank of America. I said I wanted to let them know about the experiences I'd shared with folks both online and in the real-world today, and included my earlier post. Also shared the fact that many people, upon hearing it said they'd had bad experiences with BoA and left for other banks. And that I am seriously considering the same.

I seriously doubt they'll even respond, much less do anything about it, but it was satisfying to get a lick back at them....the cretins.

Bank of America, I curse thee!!

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 20:41:09 GMT

I just finished screaming with rage! I have been jerked about 6 ways to Sunday this week by Bank of America.

It started on Monday evening, when I discovered that my ATM card was missing. So I called BoA and had it canceled & ordered another one. As I had an ATM account (& got charged for inside bank transactions), I told the man that I needed the card ASAP. He said he would send it Express & that it would arrive on Wednesday (today). He also said that it could not be sent to my work address & I should call the next day & get a window of delivery to my home. That way I wouldn't have to take the whole day off work to be home to sign for the thing.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I did call to get a window of delivery. And discovered that the guy hadn't sent it Express, but by snail mail instead!! After a bit of fuming I got the woman I was talking to to change it to Express delivery. Now the ATM card was to be delivered on Thursday (tomorrow). I wistfully said I wished it could be delivered to me at work so I wouldn't have to take any time off to be home for delivery--and she told me it could, even though the schmuck I'd spoken to on Monday had said it couldn't. $%^#@! I also had my account changed to a new type they have called "My Way" that means I won't be charged for going inside--I have a lot of deposits to make due to eBay. It's still a pain to have to go inside the bank every day to deposit things, but at least it won't cost me.

Today, Wednesday, I came home for lunch and found an Airborne Express envelope sitting on my front porch--just laying out on the step. It had an ATM card inside. I called BoA and told them what I thought of the delivery method: a) at home, not work as requested, b) left without being signed for (which I'd requested), and c) left laying on my porch where anyone could have taken it. Then I called to activate the card. But it couldn't be activated...

Turned out that the card that was delivered today was in fact not my new ATM card. My old card had evidently been due for replacement anyway & this was it. But it had already been cancelled... I discovered this when I called BoA to find out why I couldn't activate it.

Ooookay. So, I said, my replacement card is still going to be delivered tomorrow, at my workplace? Silly question, of course it isn't. No, the woman says--it was sent out today, so you're going to get it on Friday. I don't work this Friday, it's my day off! I could feel my face turning scarlet with rage as I asked "You mean I have to go in to work on MY DAY OFF and hang around for my card to be delivered?!?" At which point the woman gives me a confirmation number to check with Airborne Express to get a window of delivery...

I called Airborne Express, but that number won't be good until later tonight because the item was sent out today...but they did tell me that if was taking 2 days to deliver, BoA wasn't sending my card by Express delivery, as they'd been telling me, because Express is overnight!

A facial tic had hit my cheek as I called BoA yet again and inquired whether they'd actually sent it Express or not. The man I spoke to this time said he has no way of finding that out. Oh yes you can, I growled--yesterday you guys could tell snail mail from express, so you can tell express from two-day delivery today. He stuck to his guns, so I asked to speak to a supervisor & got put on hold. Then I got cut off. Dial tone.

Foam was flecking my lips as I called BoA again & demanded to speak to a supervisor. And I got one. who flatly told me that BoA "doesn't use Express, only two day delivery" despite the fact that they'd been saying "Express" all damn week!!!!

I'm afraid I lost it at that point and yelled at her. I told her they'd been screwing me over all week, and that it was a good thing the online survey they'd offered me yesterday wasn't in the offing today because I was seriously displeased with their company. I further told her that Wells Fargo was looking a lot more attractive as a banking alternative & BoA was looking a lot less attractive. And that I would be telling folks I knew about the kind of "excellent experience" (as their reps offer to give you when they answer the phone--I kid you not) Bank of America actually gives. I ended by saying that BoA needs to give a lot more thought to customer service and that when they've screwed up as badly as they have with me, they should damned well USE Express Overnight delivery--and pay for it out of their pockets--to get my card to me, instead of making me go into work on my day off to wait for delivery of my ATM card.

Oh. Um. Ah. the supervisor offered. Yeah, that about sums it up. Because I sincerely doubt they they'll do anything of the kind. Looks like I get to goto work on my day off--though hopefully Airborne Express will be able to give me a window of delivery later tonight....

Breath of relief

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 06:17:57 GMT

I'm finally writing again. After writing the short story yesterday, I have started again on the Lamia novel. I'm going to have to rework the beginning of it and change one of the characters. After months of not being able to write at all, it feels good to get going again!

Writer's Block is Gone

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 08:24:42 GMT

Finally after months of trying I was able to write something. I asked the woman who leads our writers group to give me an assignment. I was desperate. So she gave me the choice of three sentences to start a story with. I chose "She had her suitcase with her." And here it is. A micro-story I call, Hepzibah.

She had her suitcase with her. Hepzibah set it down in the middle of the room and turned slowly, greedily looking at her home. She’d spent so many happy years here! Every nook, every cranny held a fond memory.

“Stop it, you old fool!” she muttered to herself. “No sense gettin’ maudlin, now.” With a sigh she stooped and picked up the suitcase, determined to take the three steps to the door and walk through it to a new life.

But her feet seemed just as determined to stay right where they were. The kitchen had been a mite sticky this morning. The icing she had been mixing had slopped right over the edge of the bowl, her eyes being what they were. Perhaps she’d tracked it in here and cemented herself to the floor. It wouldn’t be the first time, that was for sure. Hepzibah bent to peer down at her shoes. Of course, these days that was easier said than done. Even if she wasn’t blind as a bat, her girth made it generally impossible to see her feet. They only came into view when she sat down and lifted up her legs.

“Sweet sorghum sap!” She snagged a three-legged stool and ponderously lowered herself onto it. When she lifted her legs, first one, then the other, they came up off the floor readily enough. She studied her feet, which were stuffed into high-topped shoes. The cracked leather strained to contain mountainous flesh and record-holding bunions. But there wasn’t a trace of icing on the worn soles. She let her legs fall with a thud and great, greasy tears began to slide down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to go,” she whispered. “I don’t want to.”

How had it come to this? She was alone now. The children were gone. It had been years since any had come to visit her. And she had lived for the children.

Hepzibah braced her hands against her knees, grunting as she pushed herself upright. A tiny popping sound warned that a seam or two had reached their limit. When she’d got her balance, she walked slowly to the window. Her feet had no problem with that, she noticed. It was the door they had a grudge against. She opened the window wide and leaned against the striped sill to look out.

“Seems just like yesterday I found this place,” she told an ant walking down the side of the window carrying a large brown crumb. “I’d been walking for days looking for a new place to set down roots.”

The ant paused, and it seemed to Hepzibah that it gave her a skeptical look.

“Well,” she said defensively, “I was younger and, uh, lighter back then, wasn’t I?”

The ant shifted its load and went on, leaving her to talk to its brothers that came right along behind it, each with its own brown crumb.

“Anyway, as I was saying, I was looking for a spot where I could live without folks stickin’ their nose into my business. And this place was as close to perfect as you could wish for.” She gazed out at the trees that circled her little house and smiled.

The ants were gone now, but a hummingbird paused to investigate the honeysuckle that grew on her trellis, and she addressed herself to it, not wanting to talk to herself. Folks that talked to themselves were peculiar.

“A natural clearing, it was. Sunny and bright—just the sort of place children like. I just love children.” Hepzibah closed her eyes and hummed with delight as she remembered the children who had come down the path to visit her over the years. How sweet they’d been, and so glad to see her little house. And why not? It had been built with them in mind, after all.

“Such plans I had.” She explained to the hummingbird, though it paid little attention to her, having its beak buried deep in the honeysuckle. “I built this house with my own hands, you know. Every slab, every stick, I put up.”

She leaned further out, peering shortsightedly at her little garden, and a piece of the sill broke off and fell to the ground. As ants scurried around it, she bit her lip and turned away from the window. The house wasn’t much to brag on now, though, was it? Hepzibah stepped to the center of the room forced herself to look honestly at her home.

“Used to be I took care of this place. Not a day went by that I didn’t add a bit here or there. I made it so pretty and tempting for the children. I took time to keep it fixed up, too. Now look at it. It’s crumbling, that’s what it is. Crumbling. Look how soft the walls are. More bits and pieces fall off every day.”

Her dear little house was falling apart. But it wasn’t all her fault. It wasn’t. Hepzibah’s chins quivered as she slowly walked to the kitchen. She cut herself a large slice from the cake sitting on the counter and sat down at the table.

“It’s that road,” she mumbled around a large bite. “Progress they called it. Hah! Putrid, I call it. Ruining an old woman’s livelihood, where’s the progress in that? Once that road went in folks just naturally used it instead of the smaller paths hereabouts.” She got up to pour a large glass of milk, breaking off a piece of chocolate to dissolve in it and helped herself to more cake.

“Fewer folks in these woods meant fewer kids,” she brooded. “Then they stopped coming altogether.” A tear plopped onto the table. “I miss the children. I did so love having them for dinner.” Her eyes wandered longingly toward the large stove that squatted in one corner of the kitchen. “Such meals I cooked!”

Hepzibah straightened herself with an effort, then got up and left the kitchen. She walked slowly into her living room. The large mirror hanging on one wall caught her attention, and she stopped to peer at herself.
“Oh my,” she said, with her nose close to the surface so she could see herself better. “Just look at me. A sausage with legs.” She shook her head sadly. “With no children around these last few years, I just haven’t eaten properly. Far too many sweets!”

Setting her jaw, Hepzibah swung about and headed for her suitcase. “Enough of this. Time to move on and make a new start somewhere else. Let the ants have this house, for all I care. I’m not too old to start over.”
Lifting the suitcase, she started for the door. Just a few steps and she would be on her way to a new life. But as her hand reached for the knob, Hepzibah heard a sound outside. A sound she hadn’t heard for years. She froze in disbelief, afraid to hope. There it was again! Then she began to make plans, new bright plans for fixing up her little house again. How had she ever given up hope?

Quickly sliding her suitcase under a table, Hepzibah smiled as she swung open the door and called out “Who’s that nibbling on my house?”